megan rosalarian gedris
I’m trying to eat healthier

I eat like… some kind of starving cat crossed with a ninja turtle, and I don’t know exactly what I mean by that, because I’m hungry right now and can’t think good. I can’t really describe how I eat except “horribly”. I don’t get much in the way of nutrition since most healthy food takes forever to make or tastes like if a butt smoked cheap cigarettes.

So, I’m trying to figure out some kind of feasible healthy diet for myself. I’m trying to research healthy food, except every single person who ever talks about “health food” thinks “eating healthy” is the exact same goddamn words as “losing weight.” Like, they don’t even regard it as synonyms, they just actually see the words “losing weight” like it’s the most specific kind of hallucination that only effects this one aspect of their lives but it never stops for them.

But I don’t want to lose weight. I love this flub I’ve got. I’ve got a major crush on my belly. I worked hard for every ounce on my frame, and it was not easy. I finally have jeans that fit perfectly, and I need every inch of butt to fill them out. I don’t want to lose weight.

I just want to not feel like shit every day and have energy and brain power and not feel like I’m going to die in my 40’s because my natural inclination is to say “Vitamins? Is that what the kids are calling vaginas these days? I get enough of those. I don’t need it in my food.” (Side note: this browser recognizes “vaginas” as a word even though the correct pluralization, “vaginae” is seen as a misspelling. I just needed to point that out.)

I cannot find a single lick of advice on how to get food inside of me that won’t kill me or make me revert back to my “deflated latex balloon filled with chicken bones” frame. I’m not even looking for advice here, because asking anyone for advice on food opens the door to ridiculous unrealistic diets where everyone insists I need to cut out all purple foods or eat twenty pounds of chickpeas every day or eat special pills or shakes or what have you, and it just further reinforces that no one has any sort of realistic idea about how to consume food. You don’t need to tell me your special trick as if your personal experience with eating spinach and granola sandwiches makes you a scientist.

I mainly just wanted to rant before making myself another giant cheese sandwich while wondering why I’m showing signs of scurvy.

  1. oh-well reblogged this from rosalarian
  2. darlingsan reblogged this from ilaniel and added:
    This is wonderful and I am def putting The Flavor Bible on my xmas list because although I can follow a recipe, I cannot...
  3. meganseggs reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    WTF EAT MORE GODDAMN EGGS HOW HARD IS THIS?
  4. ilaniel reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    Hey Ms. Megan! I have followed your comics for years and years, but have never had the guts to write to you or...
  5. fortune-cracker reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    I usually manage a pretty healthy diet. I’m not too finicky about fats or oils, since those are a necessary part of your...
  6. caprizant reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    Try buying stuff like fruits, veggies, rice, pasta, and beans, things that aren’t processed. You can make a tasty meal...
  7. theskaldspeaks reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    Vitamins? Don’t those come in gummy form?
  8. makikogregory reblogged this from rosalarian and added:
    I was a vegan for a few years, and out of the whole thing I learned a decent amount about nutrition and just about the...
  9. postlopez said: Chips made of Veggies, and 5 layer dip: Beans, Sour Cream, Guacomole, Salsa and shredded cheddar. All the food groups are represented!
  10. racheldukes said: Dude. Vegetables and kidney beans. They go with everything. Stir fry is easy and delicious. And anything that can go in stir fry can go over rice or be turned into veggie stew. Veggies made me feel human again. Highly recommended. <3
  11. yamino said: Just add more fresh food like vegetables and fruit to your diet. They are not hard to prepare or expensive, especially fruit which generally just needs to be washed and occasionally peeled